Schpelleng bea

Congratulations to all of those little tater tots who did so well in the National Spelling Bee. How do I know that we had one? Simple...look at the Google Trends list for 5/27.

11. guayabera 12. ophelimity
14. gyascutus 17. derriengue
18. laodicean 20. okcupid
24. maecenas 30. isagoge
31. dauerlauf 58. sardoodledom
63. xebec 90. sophrosyne
99. jacqueminot

Who even finds these words? I still have trouble with "restaurant" and "tomorrow".

8 Things More Interesting than Jon and Kate

Tough call today. On one hand, we have the talented stylings of the half-man / half-terrier Susan Boyle...

...and on the other, hysteria over the tainted love affair of Jon and Kate.

I can't say that I fully understand the spectacle here. Apparently, these two have eight children. And now, daddy Jon (where'd the H go?) appears to be looking for a little lovin' on the side. Makes sense to me - person known all over the world because of his family life, taped and recorded at all hours of the day and night. Yeah, an affair sounds smart.

I wish people would have spent Memorial Day looking over more meaningful things, instead of this. However, here are eight things I find more interesting that this octupletastrophe.

8. Stubbing my toe on the edge of the bed

7. The lifecycle of the common intestinal parasite

6. Why my cats rub their faces on everything

5. Who put the "bop" in the "bop sha-bop sha-bop"

4. What Meatloaf wouldn't do for love

3. Where bugs go when it rains

2. How the first bagpipe came into existance

1. Who first milked a cow?

Resveratrol

No surprise, the Indy500 was all over the Google top 100 yesterday. However, I'd like to focus my attention on something that I was surprised to see all over the list - resveratrol.

I'm not a fan of 60 Minutes, so I am not quite sure what was said on the show. From what I can gather, scientists (always generic, never specific scientists) may have latched onto a chemical responsible for preventing cancer, eliminating Type II diabetes, and fighting aging with its antioxident powers. As a believer in the "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is" philosophy, I remain skeptical to the powers of this natural chemical. I still see the media's first job as sensationalizing news, and somewhere well below that their responsibility to try and be accurate. I cannot tell you today what to believe, and conversely, I would expect that you wouldn't take some jerk's advice when it comes to your health. I encourage all to read and become involved in their health and the science of the world around them.

As for me, I'm going to ensure that I get my share of resveratrol today by getting shitfaced on red wine.

Cheers.

UFC 98 - It's better than 97

As financial constraints bring the world back to the more basics of life, it's refreshing to see that people really want to get back to the simple things in life - television, and violence. To this point, I present the topic that was, at a minimum, involved in at least 15 of the top 100 yesterday.

Ulimate Fighting Championship (UFC) # 98.

That's right, people want to sit down and watch grow men pummel each other until they either give up, pass out, or disqualify themselves. Oh, and most people wanted to know how to get it for free. I must admit, I love violence as much as the next guy, but I prefer mine to be more one-sided. No fair fights for me. I want to see a bear fight Bill Gates in the tundra.

On a more confusing note, there were several hits on lacrosse related topics. I'm sure that the people who play think it's important and interesting, but I didn't know other people did. Hats off the Cornell lacrosse team, giving the central NY school a second reputation, besides Andy Bernard.

$1 flip flops

You know the economy is in the shitter when Old Navy's $1 flip flop makes a dent in the top ten. It's actually hard to believe you can get much of anything for $1 these days. But one things I would pay $1 not to see is what led the list.

Both Meatloaf(1) and his daughter(2) Pearl Aday we starring on "Don't Forget the Lyrics", that kooky show where people with karaoke voices sing songs no one cares about. And don't forget Wayne Brady, whose biggest mistake was leaving "Who's Line is it Anyways?" Anyhow, these two meat products(3) supposed competed. And here I was thinking that this was the thing that he wouldn't do for love...

(1) The fat white guy, not the seasoned meat in convenient loaf form.
(2) I had no idea the meatloaf could reproduce. I'm not even sure what you end up with. Maybe a meat pie?
(3) Is it coincidence that Meatloaf names his daughter after a brand of deli meat?

Are we really this stupid?

A question that silly must be rhetorical. Of course, based on today's top 20, this is not a good sign. Two hits, count them, two, focus on "rhetorical". Don't most people learn this when they're young? It turns out that rhetorical questions aren't everyone's cup of tea. I bet you know someone whose delivery leaves you believe that they really are dumb enough to ask.

Yesterday finished up with American Idolesque searches leading the pack, include the dire question we all need to know - "how old is Rod Stewart?"

Dear God, how old is he? The more time he spends on the Earth, the younger parts of him start to look. Maybe it's time to start asking "how old is Rod Stewart's nose?" or "how old is Rod Stewart's spleen?"

Wake up Maggie, sorry, I though I had something to say to you. I can't remember...

Harvard saved a super-cynical first day

Before I started to type this post, I looked at today's trends. It was a perfect start. Within the top five were two references to "note to god". Having an actual job and a brain with its frontal cortex still intact, I was not aware that this was some cover by a woman named Charice on the Oprah broadcast. If you weren't convinced that Oprah was too influential, let me repeat slowly...

The top search on Google, amid terror, war, economic turmoil, and plague was about a song originally done by JoJo and covered by an unknown singer named Charice. Right now, we are up to 3 references still in the top 20. No more, please. This amazing run was just crushed by a shooting at Harvard. Actual news, go figure.

So what other gems show up in today's list? If you said the Cheetos Jesus, you'd be right!!! Two hits between 30 and 40, including my favorite - "cheesus". Nothing like a little paradolia to get the day going. If your lord's second coming is foretold by a puffed cheese snack, you might want to reconsider another religion.

And finally for today, two hits about being pregnant at 66 years old. Apparently, one hit was enough. An amazing feat of science and drunkeness, it's amazing to think that when this child is old enough to graduate high school, his mother will be 84!

On the plus side, she can save a bundle on diapers by buying in bulk...

Day 1 - The Beginning of Something

If you have ever been on the internet, you've done it (presumably, if you're reading this, you've been on the internet). Every day, people choose to "Google" their way to the answers they seek. It's not surprising that with a global culture connecting in ways never imagined, the quest for intellectual pursuit is staggering. And yet, so is the quest for meaningless drivel, mind-numbing pop culture, and downright foolish nonsensical ravings.

It seems only suited for a nut such as myself to present this to you. We've been to the reaches of the solar system, built weapons that can split atoms, and seen the sequencing of our own genes. So what is today's most dire question that Google can answer???